“I am enough.” Say that phrase to yourself a few times. What does it sound like in your head? How does it make you feel? Did you squirm a bit when you said it? Do you believe it? Try saying these words to yourself as you look in the mirror. How does that feel?
Would it surprise you to hear that most people don’t believe that they are enough?
I ran across this video the other day by Melissa Peer titled “I Am Enough” (see below to watch the video) and I was amazed at the feelings and emotions that came up for me with these 3 words. Do I think I am enough? It is definitely not something that I have an easy time with when I think about myself. I always think I can do more, be more or should be here or there by now and then proceed to beat myself up in my head about why I’m not here or there or everywhere else than I am today.
As I thought about this more I wondered……
What stands in the way of believing we are enough?
There are a lot of reasons why and I could probably write a whole book about it but here are a few I came up with:
We are often our own worst enemy. That little voice in our head will tell us whatever it needs to tell us to keep us safe, keep us in the familiar and keep us doing what we are used to doing. Now don’t get me wrong, that voice helps us but this same little voice can be the one that stops us from trying something new, not taking a new job because of uncertainty or dying our hair a different color for fear of what everyone else will think. We have to get out of our own heads and start getting still and listening to what our soul is telling us.
If you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t do something and saying things like: “I can’t, I won’t, It doesn’t work that way for me, I’m not this, I’m not that, I’m too fat, I’m to thin, I’m too young, I’m too old, I don’t have enough money, I’m not married yet, I’m married, I’m not educated enough, I don’t have enough time, It’s too hard, I don’t know how, No one will believe in me, I don’t know where to start…. etc.” then you are limiting what you can do in your lifetime by the things you say in your head. You are your own worst enemy! Let me tell you a little secret: The people you think are paying attention or care are probably too wrapped up in their own life to really think that much about your life!
Change your vocabulary. Our words are powerful. What we say to ourselves we believe. So the next time you find yourself saying one of the statements from above, stop yourself. Do you really believe that? Or is it just something you were told or heard and just assumed it to be true? What if you turned the words around and started to say “I Can” or “I will”? What if you tried the thing that you were most afraid of and did it anyway? Do you know that every time I write a blog post or post on social media I’m scared? I’m scared for a myriad of reasons (that don’t really matter) but I do it anyway. Why? Because I have something to say that I think can help other women and after nearly 10 years of blogging that need is still stronger than the fear. The fear will probably always be there but that’s ok, I’ll continue to do it anyway!
When we begin to blame others for where we are in our lives, we take the power away from ourselves and give it to someone else. When you take responsibility, you have control. Self-esteem is elusive when you believe you don’t have control over your life. Because let me tell you, you do have control. You are in the drivers seat and you can take yourself as far as you want to go.
Do you believe the things that happen to you are everyone else’s fault? That you have no control how your life will turn out because of your parents, where you were born, where you grew up, your brother/sister, your financial situation etc… If you truly do believe that, I’m glad you are reading this article as I hope to give you a different perspective.
Take full responsibility for your current situation and decide you are responsible for your own life. You have all the tools you need to make the decisions to move your life forward in a positive direction. Take control back TODAY. Stop and listen to what you want in your heart and then take 1 step towards getting there.
Negative self – talk
Manage your self-talk. We all talk to ourselves. You’re not the only one! The greatest thing about this is that we can control what we say to ourselves. Is your self-talk positive or negative? Negative self-talk chips away at your feelings of self-worth. Be kind to yourself. I can’t stay that enough. Be encouraging, positive, and patient with yourself. After all, you are doing the best you can with what you know today!
The negative loop of self criticism starts as soon as you wake up and continues until you lay your head down on the pillow at night. From one negative statement to the next, you are constantly beating yourself up in your head.
Start with telling yourself you are enough. Write it on a post-it and leave notes on your mirror, in your car, at work. Share a post-it with “I am Enough” written on it with a friend. Turn the negative loop around and start saying positive things to yourself. Write out affirmations and start being positive for 1 minute a day. When you look in the mirror, give yourself a compliment and build yourself up. Build other women up. We as women tend to be terrible to each other. Be nice, share compliments, help out. To do this costs nothing and the world will be a better place because of it.
We all have different skills and talents, and guess what? That’s ok! If we were all the exact same and had the exact same qualities and strengths, the world would be a pretty boring place. Comparing yourself to other people is a waste of your time and energy and won’t get you anywhere.
“Everyone has it better than me. Everyone is farther along in life than me. She has that, why don’t I have that? What is wrong with me. “I could go on and on with these types of thoughts but I think you get the point.
“I will compare myself only to my past.” Are you doing better than you were last month? Last week? Yesterday? Take a look at where you started in order to gauge how far you’ve come. This could be around anything in your life (debt, career, education etc.). It can be hard to see the progress you’ve made when you’re in it every day. A great way to measure this is tracking your progress in a journal. There are many other ways to do this (spreadsheets, lists, project management tools etc. depending on what you want to track) But I’ve found that taking the time to write and reflect on where you are in your life will help show you how far you’ve come.
Lack of Gratitude
Want to know one of the quickest ways to get out of a bad mood? Start being grateful. Be thankful for every single thing you have in your life. From the car you drive, the air you breathe to the food on your plate, be grateful for ALL OF IT. Start making a list of the things you are thankful for and you will quickly see 1. you can’t be grateful and mad at the same time 2. you are surrounded by an infinite amount of blessings and 3. things may not be quite as bad as it seems.
Old Belief: “Nothing good ever happens to me. I don’t have this or I don’t have that.” Always wanting more and never being satisfied.
“I am abundantly grateful & gratefully abundant”. Abundance is all around us, you just have to open your eyes and see it! It’s no secret that what we focus on is what we get so why not focus on the positive?
As I said in the beginning of this article, I could probably write a book on this topic because there is so much to be said about it it.If there is one thing I want you to get from this post it is this:
You are enough. You are. Just as you are today, in the middle of the biggest mess of your life or in all of your glory – YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Here is the video I referred to at the beginning of the post. I hope you’ll take the time to watch it: