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How to Say What You Want to Get What You Want

February 6, 2017 By The Jenny Pincher 4 Comments

I’ve just had 2 major life changes happen in a matter of weeks (and I’m embarking on a third) and both are the result of me finally determining (and then saying) what I want in my life. I finally said what I want to get what I want, and it all happened very quickly. Magic begins to happen when we get really clear on our desires for our life and how we want to live.

Both of these are great things that needed to happen in my life but it took me a little bit to get there.

“It feels good when I say what I want.” I said this to myself after having a conversation with my boss. It came up again later after a conversation with my now ex-boyfriend. I had been in a role I wasn’t happy in at work and a relationship where neither of us had been happy for quite some time and it was time for me to make some changes.

I spent a long time coming to terms with this but when I finally told my boss & my ex what I wanted, it felt really good to say it! I had actually told two people how I really felt and it started this process of me leaving a relationship, leaving a job of 3 1/2 years and moving to Nashville, TN for a new job and a new life. It’s been an amazing ride these past few months and I wanted to share with you my process of how I did it.

How to Say What You Want To Get What You Want

Decide what you want

It seems so simple but it’s so easy to miss when we are caught up in a mediocre way of living. If you don’t make an effort to spend time thinking about (and actually determining) what you want, you are never going to get what you want. It’s really that simple. Deciding what you want isn’t hard to do. Generally it’s the opposite of what you don’t want that’s in your life today.

Deciding what you want isn’t about settling for what you think you can have with what’s available to you today, it’s about getting your ass in gear and going after what you really want. Claiming it, what ever ‘it’ is for you. It’s about listening to that voice you always hear in the back of your head that thrills and excites you & finally saying YES to it. Not just yes, but HELL YES!

One thing deciding what you want definitely is not about is just being “fine”. Fine is settling, it’s living small and fine sucks. The word fine should make you shudder and want to run for the hills because “fine” is not a way to live. Mel Robbins has an amazing Ted Talks segment on this, How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over. I highly recommend you watch it before you read any further in this article (it’s about 20 minutes and worth every second).

Has it occurred to you that you could ask for more? Not just more than you now have, but more than you’re asking for? The Universe. – From Love Your Life in 30 Days by Mike Dooley

You can do this in all areas of your life, here are some ideas to get you started:

Finances
Career
Side-gig (if you have one, if you don’t read how to start a side-gig for more info)
Health
Relationships
Personal Growth
Community

When I was trying to decide what I wanted to do about my day job, I made a list of the things I did want in my career. Some things that kept coming up were:

I want to live an unhurried life
I want to utilize my skills as a Business Analyst
I want to be able to thoroughly do my job & not be pulled in 100 different directions each day

I wrote this list out daily. What is it that I want to do in my position? Who do I want to be in this role? What do I want to have in my role?

I did the same thing about my relationship. I wrote down the type of person I wanted to be with. What I demanded from the next relationship and how I wanted to feel. I didn’t write what I thought I could have, I wrote what I wanted.

Write it out every day – Everyday I would think about what I wanted in my career & my relationship. I wrote down all the things that would come up for me that day. If something had occurred the previous day that I didn’t want, I wrote the opposite down which was what I did want.
Visualize it – Never discount the power of your mind and your thoughts. Spending as little as 5 to 10 minutes a few times a day visualizing what you want helps set things in motion. It gets your mind to open up to the possibilities and gets you used to the idea that you actually can have what you want!
Be consistent – I was consistent with this and I made it a priority. As I went about my day, I would think about the list. I want x,y,z an I would focus on that throughout the day.
Know you are worthy – I also worked through “I am worthy” statements which consisted of writing out that I was worthy of all the things I wanted.

Make The Decision to Go After It

Once you have decided what you want, it’s time to make some decisions based on how your life is today. Chances are probably good that what you decided you want, isn’t in your life today. In order to get that, your going to have to make some decisions to go after what you want so you can have what you want!

The cause of a lot of our pain and suffering is because most of us just refuse to make a decision about what we want. We spend a lot of time & wasted energy somewhere in the middle. In a place of “maybe” limbo. Hoping that something or someone changes things for us and we won’t have to make a decision.

I know this place of “maybe” from experience and I know why you want to stay there. Because it’s comfortable. If you stay here you won’t have to worry about failure, putting yourself out there or actually becoming successful.

But guess what? Living in “maybe” land without making a decision keeps you small. It fizzles out your voice & it keeps you from being heard. After awhile this starts to get uncomfortable but you may not know why. You’ll get restless and you’ll spend most of your days being unsatisfied even though you can’t really tell why your unsatisfied. On the surface, everything seems “fine”. But don’t you know just living a life where everything is “fine” is exactly what the problem is here?

You’re not satisfied because you haven’t made a decision. And because you haven’t made a decision, you are doing things that are not in alignment with your calling & your souls purpose on this earth. Not making a decision keeps you from becoming the person you were meant to be. It holds you back & it’s not fun. I know this from experience.

So make the decision! Make any decision today that you’ve been putting off. Make it, trust your gut and don’t look back. Eventually everything changes anyway, but we waste so much time accepting what we don’t want instead of making the decision to go after what we do want.

Then start to tell others about it. This may mean you have to leave a job, a relationship, & friendships behind as you move along your path. Give yourself permission to be ok with this. I promise you, it will be.

Take Action & Results Will Happen Fast

This is probably the most important step. After you decide what you want, you actually have to do something about it. Theories and dreams are nice, but they won’t get you to where you want to go. You have to take action.

Don’t be afraid of this step and don’t put it off until the end of the time out of fear. You don’t have to make major life changes like I did all at once (although if you hold off making any changes that is likely what will happen. Everything will come up at once). It’s ok to start slow and make a few changes at a time.

How fast you move through this process is up to you. But after you decide what you want, you are going to have to put it in motion by having conversations to change your situation.

After I made my decision for how I wanted my life to look and focused on what I did want (instead of what I didn’t want), it didn’t take long for things to shift. It took around 30 days for me to incorporate the following changes:

I had the conversation with my boss about finally leaving the account I was on
I negotiated a leave of absence of 30 days from my employer
My boyfriend and I both decided we weren’t happy and split up

In a matter of 30 days I had negotiated leaving my job, a leave of absence and splitting up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years because I had decided what I wanted. Where I was currently wasn’t working for me and I had to get to a different place. And yes, as you can imagine, making those major life changes sucked at first, even though they were what I wanted.

They sucked because of the contrast I had to experience in order to get what I want. What is contrast? I think you’ll recognize it, so let’s discuss that next.

Let your dreams outgrow the shoes of your expectations. - Ryunosuke SatoroClick To Tweet

Then Comes the Contrast (Which is a Good Thing!)

When we actually make the decision of what we want in life & take action, we often forget what comes next. It’s the necessary next step that has to happen that gets us where we want to go. I call it contrast but it can also be known as change, since that’s what is going to happen when you make a decision. To me this feels like a tornado came in and blew everything I know apart and will set me back down in some new place with a totally different perspective. It brings chaos and craziness as our world is turned upside down while we let go of what we don’t want so that what we do want can come in.

And this is a good thing.

This is exactly what I experienced and it made me want to turn back to what was comfortable (for the sake of my own happiness) because when the contrast comes in it causes changes and those changes can be scary. The contrast brought a lot of tears and self-imposed (& unnecessary) suffering, guilt and fear about what I was going though. What had I just done? My life was just “fine” and now it’s not so fine! How could this be happening after all I’d worked towards!

I even had an insane amount of guilt over my boss and HR representative helping me to take the leave of absence! All this “stuff” came up for me that I wasn’t prepared for. I actually had guilt because I didn’t feel like I deserved someone helping me. It may sound crazy but I bet you can see this somewhere in your life too, where you’ve felt guilt over receiving help from someone when you were struggling. I know that goes back to improving how I treat myself so I can stop fighting the person I look at in the mirror every day.

But in fact, this is exactly what needed to happen. We forget that we have to leave the comfort of what we know, leave the co-workers who have become our friends or put the status of “single” back on to get out of what we don’t want and into what we do want.

None of this is wrong or bad. It can feel like it at the time & make us question our decision. Thoughts come up like: maybe it wasn’t so bad, or I should have just put up for it a little longer and maybe things would have changed or worse feeling like we don’t deserve to move on to something better.

But as I said before, that was exactly what the problem was. I was “fine”. I was in the “middle” & not making a decision, in the place of just existing instead of living the life I was meant to. This is not where I wanted to live and this is why I made the decision to change.

The contrast that comes up is normal & an important step that will lead you to what you want. Contrast doesn’t make your situation wrong or you less deserving. If you are experiencing it now, don’t turn back to what is comfortable and what you were settling for. Keep moving forward and going after what you want. Know that contrast is good (even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time) because it’s getting you to where you want to go. After all, (as cliche as it sounds) to get what you want, you have to go where you’ve never been!

When the Dust Settles & You Get What You Want

Once you get over the shock of actually starting the process to get what you want, your going to notice some changes in yourself. You will start to feel better about your life. You will be happier. You will feel lighter & free. People will notice. It will feel good. Here are some things I noticed about myself:

I let the guilt and anger go (finally!).
I was no longer carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I was lighter and free.
There had been an energy block before that wasn’t there anymore. All this negative energy that had been around me was now gone.
I felt genuine relief, it took the pressure off of me.
For so long I had felt like I was fitting a square peg in a round hole, no more of that in my life felt good!

It can feel scary because you may not have an entire plan of how things are going to work or what’s going to happen next. Please hear me when I say this, you are not meant to! You do not (and often should not) have such rigid plans about what is going to happen next. Yes, you need a general direction and some ideas of what action you are going to take next, but you do not need a 100 point plan of next steps to implement these changes in your life.

By being open to what comes next, following your heart and what feels right for you, I genuinely believe that is all you need to get started. I know this because this is exaçtly what I’ve done for myself and I’m doing just fine right now. You can do it too, you deserve it and you are worthy of it!

Say What You Want to Get What You Want

Part of this process is still unfolding & I’ll share with you in another post how the new job and move to Nashville happened (it’s a long and remarkable story). But please know this, you can apply this process in all areas of your life to start living the life you were meant to live. I encourage you to take some time to think about that and see where it takes you. I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed!

How to Stop Over-Apologizing at Work

January 15, 2017 By Valencia Leave a Comment

Whether we’re speaking with family, friends or colleagues, our speech is usually casual and we don’t overthink our word choices, resulting in natural, sincere conversations. But if you listen to conversations you have, I mean really listen, you may become mindful of a habit that’s crept into everyday speech—over-apologizing.

Saying sorry when situations don’t merit an apology has become so commonplace that most of us don’t notice the word leaving our mouth. We’re guilty of this when speaking up, asking questions and sending emails, yet we don’t realize it.

Does this sound familiar?

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but…”

“Sorry for asking, but I just wanted to know…”

“Sorry this issue came up…”

….and the list goes on and on.

There are many plausible explanations for why we apologize excessively. Some people apologize to avoid conflict, whereas others apologize because they’re uncomfortable expressing their thoughts and opinions. Regardless of the reasons, this habit needs to die—especially if you want to be taken serious in the workplace.

An apology might roll off your tongue like any other word in your vocabulary, but the impact of an unnecessary apology is much more stronger than other words. The truth is, over-apologizing at work can have a negative impact on your professional image. It doesn’t matter your position or how much you earn, we’re often judged by the way we respond. A pattern of apologizing excessively may cause coworkers to perceive you as timid, unsure or doubtful. And if your boss and coworkers sense a little vulnerability or insecurity, this can affect your growth within the company.

Granted, a coworker’s perception of you might have minor impact on your advancement. On the other hand, if your boss doesn’t think you’re as competent as other employees, your rise to the top could take longer.

Fortunately, this is a habit you can overcome. Here are three ways to stop over-apologizing at work.

1. Ask yourself, “Did I do something wrong?”

Overcoming this habit doesn’t happen overnight and you’ll have to make a concerted effort to monitor your language. Before uttering an apology, consider whether you’re actually at fault or to blame for an issue.

Sometimes, we over-apologize as a way to ease tension. If a conflict occurs between you and a coworker or boss (and you’re not at fault), beginning every sentence with “I’m sorry” and repeating the apology throughout the conversation implies that you’re accepting blame, and as a result, the guilty party doesn’t have to take responsibility for their actions. This not only hurts your self-esteem, others may get into a habit of walking all over you. Apologize only when you do something wrong.

2. Change your language

Then again, over-apologizing is sometimes learned behavior. In this case, “I’m sorry” becomes a filler word or a substitute for another phrase, such as “excuse me.” As a rule of thumb, if you can replace “I’m sorry” with “excuse me” or “pardon me,” the latter phrases are the appropriate choices.

In addition, some people apologize excessively when being polite, or when they don’t want to come off as rude or intrusive. This might be the case when asking a question. Instead of leading your questions with “I’m sorry,” you could say, “If you don’t mind me asking….”

3. Don’t apologize for being human

We’re human and imperfect, so we’re going to make mistakes—a lot of mistakes. Not every mistake in the workplace requires an apology. Of course, if you’re running considerably late for a meeting or appointment due to traffic, by all means, offer your apologies for keeping the group waiting. These types of situations merit one. However, don’t feel obligated (or think you have to) apologize for normal human behavior. It doesn’t matter if you lost your train of thought in a conversation, stumbled over your words, or had to reschedule lunch plans with a coworker because you were swamped. Explain what happened, thank the person for being understanding and move on.

Can you replace “I’m sorry” with “Thank You”?

This awesome graphic from the article: Stop saying ’sorry’ if you want to say thank you: A seriously insightful cartoon is a great illustration of another way to stop saying the words “I’m sorry”. I think this is another great way to shift your mindset and perception that there is something wrong with you or that you have to apologize for just being alive (which you don’t!).

The Takeaway

Apologies have their place in speech, but they don’t belong in every sentence or every conversation. This is a tricky reflex to overcome, but learning how to limit your number of apologies can help you appear more confident and stronger at work.

Are you looking for help with your finances? Check out my new course: Tame Your Finances & Save $5,000 in the Process to learn more.

Interview with Leanne Jacobs, Author of Beautiful Money: The 4-Week Total Wealth Makeover

January 12, 2017 By The Jenny Pincher Leave a Comment

One of my goals for 2017 is to improve my message about how I communicate about money and personal finances. For the past 10 years (yes a decade, I’ve been doing this that long!) I’ve been talking about the mechanics or the “how” of money. I’ve finally come to understand that there is a missing piece to that information. In my new course Taming Your Finances & Saving $5,000 in the Process, we really dig into how your mindset impacts where you are financially & what to do about it.

I truly believe that unless you have your thoughts, your mindset & your beliefs about money (& your self-worth) in alignment with what it is you want, reaching your goals is going to be very difficult because the two tie together so closely. We’ll be digging into that more over 2017 and I can’t wait to talk to you about that more!

Today I’m excited because I get to share a book with you that discusses this very thing! I spent some time with Leanne Jacobs, author of Beautiful Money: The 4 – Week Total Wealth Makeover talking about her book and what it means to create beautiful money. I could have spent all day talking to Leanne because her message is right in alignment with my message for this year. (Listen to the full interview here or keep reading to find out more about her book, Beautiful Money.)

My conversation with Leanne touches on all of this, here are some of the topics you will find in this interview:

How our relationship with money is a projection of our internal relationship to ourselves
Respecting money – why it’s important and some habits that wealthy women have in common
The difference between creating wealth & chasing money
Clearing out clutter in your space, your car & your mind & why it’s so important to create Beautiful Money
How what you say impacts your experience in life. Words like “I hope”and “I’m trying” aren’t going to get you anywhere!
Good & bad debt – what they mean to someone creating Beautiful Money (this is NOT the same as what you hear from mainstream personal finance)
Why you don’t have to struggle to get what you want
The Beautiful Money Math formula and how it will get you to your goal sooner rather than later

Interested in learning more about Leanne’s book, Beautiful Money? Here’s an excerpt from the book. I think this will resonate with you as you read through the wealth disconnect and how your habits shape your reality:

The Wealth Disconnect

Ditch negative habits and incorporate positive habits with this exercise

It can be shocking to realize that we’re spending our life doing things we don’t like, worrying about things that aren’t important, or imploding from stress . . . just by being too busy! I call this the Wealth Disconnect.

People don’t spend enough time identifying the few essentials that will create more success and wealth
People spend too much time working harder trying to manage chaos
People spend more money, are less effective and more likely to burn out when their schedules are jammed
People spend most of their time worrying about or feeling afraid of events and situations that will likely never happen
People let others’ opinions influence their decisions
People are starved of personal and financial leverage by being attached to their work and jobs 24/7

Does this resonate? It did for me. The truth is that our societal norms—which value long nights at the office, being attached to email 24/7, and making work our first priority—are exactly opposite of what creates harmonious and sustainable wealth. That’s why I call it a ‘disconnect’.

By reorganizing our schedule and prioritizing the work that actually creates returns, we can generate more income, create better results, and no longer waste our energy and time on tasks that don’t matter.

Generating wealth and creating Beautiful Money is a daily practice. When I work with individual clients, it can be easy for me to see why someone isn’t achieving their next level of financial greatness. Most of the time, it’s because their daily habits and activities work in opposition to their desired goals. The most obvious is someone who wants to save more, but continually uses shopping to release emotional tension or someone who claims to value health but eats fast food or drinks alcohol several times a week.

The fact is, we are all distractible and can all fall victim to addictive habits when life gets crazy and when we forget to prioritize ourselves.

Want to know my greatest secret? You have to learn not to care so much…about what people think of you. I was watching an episode of The Good Wife (yes…I do manage to get some downtime now) and the character Alicia shared that failure was her greatest blessing. The exhaustion and emotional toll associated with it resulted in her caring less. Although the spin was not a positive one, I could relate to this so much in my own life.

If you are stubbornly holding on to habits and ways that are not serving you, the universe will eventually crush you into fine wine. Disappointing people and learning to care less what other people thought of me were two areas where I had to be crushed into a fine Malbec. But it was worth it.

To help get you started, I’m going to share a delicious exercise that allows us to ditch the old habits that are no longer serving us while simultaneously learning how to incorporate new habits that tweak our lifestyle and our ability to create wealth for the better.

Take out a sheet of paper. Write down any old habits that aren’t serving you anymore and move you away from achieving your financial freedom. Be super honest because you don’t have to show this to anyone. What habits do you have that you hide from others? What habits wouldn’t you want to share with the world? What habits don’t feel right in your body? In the past, clients have written down things like, “I want to stop eating junk food,” and “I want to stop checking email before bed.” Any habits that are not healthy or aligned with where you want to go, and that no longer serve you should be on that piece of paper. Next, practice observing what you just wrote on that piece of paper as an observer (like someone else did it). This will help you to shift from judging yourself harshly. If a friend came to you in confidence and shared these habits, would you shame her? Then don’t shame yourself!

Now destroy that piece of paper. Burn it. Throw it in the ocean. Toss it in the wind. Rip it up. Shred it into a million pieces with a scissors. Whatever feels right to you. Breathe. Take a moment to listen to an inspiring song, mediate, or simply sit calmly for a few minutes.

Take out another piece of paper. Write down all the new habits that you’d like to incorporate daily. Try to fill up that entire piece of paper. Like you did with your freedom dates, don’t worry about how you are going to get there or actually start incorporating these new habits. Just write everything down. When you’re done, pick a habit or two that really speaks to you, a habit which will help you to feel abundant, aligned, healthy, and true to yourself. Highlight these one or two habits and post your paper somewhere in your home where you will see it often (bathroom mirror, fridge, office, bedroom, etc). Make a point to do that habit (or two) each and every day for as long as you’re reading this book. Remember, don’t be hard on yourself if you can’t do whatever that new habit is each and every day. If you need accountability, ask a partner or a friend to remind you why you’ve chosen this habit to start changing your life. (Or you can set a reminder on your phone to practice it daily, whatever works better for you.) Remember, creating Beautiful Money is all about creating momentum and gracefully propelling your life into a higher state of abundance and joy.

You can listen to the full interview with Leanne Jacobs, author of Beautiful Money here. We spent about an hour chatting there are a lot of great tips inside our conversation. I hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed talking to Leanne! If you haven’t read her book yet, make sure to grab a copy. I think you’ll love her message and approach to money!

Improve Your Thinking, Improve Your Financial Life

January 5, 2017 By Valencia Leave a Comment

Improve your thinking, improve your financial life. Does that seem possible? Yes it is possible and the two go hand-in-hand. At one point or another, we’ve all let our mood dictate how we spend our money. But just because we’re guilty of this behavior doesn’t make it right or mean it’s good for us.

I’m all about financial literacy and changing our money mindset for the better. It’s been my observation from conversations about spending that some people tend to overspend or give into impulse buying for two reasons. Sometimes they’re dealing with an emotion like depression or stress, and other times they haven’t learned the value of being content.

Of course, there are other reasons. But for the purpose of this article, I’ll focus on how these two factors specifically impact our financial life, as well as why we spend during these times, and what we can do to change our thinking.

Depression, Boredom, Stress (and every emotion in-between)

There’s something about a bad day that causes many to steer their car in the direction of a mall or shopping center. Even if they don’t spend a lot of money, most people find that treating themselves can quickly lift their spirits and help them get through a rough patch.

Emotional shopping is a form of therapy for some. Since I’ve been guilty of this, I know and understand exactly why it happens. Instant gratification has a powerful psychological effect, and shopping can take our minds off our troubles and help us feel better. The problem with this type of pick-me-up is that it doesn’t last. You might experience an emotional high that lasts for the next few hours, or at the most, into the next day. But life will snap you back to reality.

The main issue with retail therapy is that it creates more problems than it solves. Most shoppers only think about the present and not about the long-term consequences of spending. What’s more, shopping is nothing more than a distraction masking the real issue. Buying a new pair of shoes can put a smile on your face, but the purchase doesn’t address the root of the issue. The underlying problem remains after the purchase is complete, and sooner or later you’ll deal with it again.

If you start a pattern of shopping whenever life gets tough, this bad habit could become a security blanket for whenever you want to escape reality.

You can’t improve your finances until you stop letting emotions control your spending. There are better ways to cope. Not only should you explore why you’re feeling depressed, stress or overwhelmed, you should also look into healthy ways to deal with these feelings. Rather than shopping, learn other ways to distract yourself. Go for a walk, rediscover a hobby, get in touch with your crafty side or call a friend.

Dissatisfaction With What You Have

Rarely does anyone get everything they want and our life doesn’t always turn out the way we envision. Therefore, you can probably think of several ways to better your life. Maybe you wish for higher income, a newer car or a bigger home. There’s nothing wrong with setting goals and making moves to improve your lot in life, but much good comes from learning how to be content with what you have.

Some people are willing to do whatever it takes—even ruin their finances—to make it appear as if they are living the “good life” because they’re dissatisfied with their life. I don’t like to judge because I know the power of financial peer pressure and the pressure to keep up. However, there’s a difference between occasionally giving into financial peer pressure and making a practice of it.

If you spend money because others spend or because you want to be accepted by others, changing your mindset is the only way to fix your financial life.

How do you do this?

It doesn’t happens overnight, especially since contentment—which is a state of happiness or satisfaction—doesn’t come naturally for some of us. Materialism is all around us. You might not consider yourself materialistic. But if you have coworkers, friends or relatives who enjoy nice things or spend without limits, you could become envious and start wishing for a similar lifestyle. We’re only human and we can’t always control how we feel. Realize, however, that you can get into trouble if you let these thoughts take up too much space in your head. Being content doesn’t suggest complacency or staying in the same place forever. It means finding happiness in whatever circumstances you’re in, while working toward self-improvement.

To learn contentment, be realistic. The truth of the matter is, some people who spend crazily aren’t really in a position to do so. Not everyone has the same goals or mindset about money. Some people want to have fun and they never think about the consequences of spending. They have no problem using a credit card to finance their lifestyle. And if they’re using cash, it might be at the expense of growing their emergency account or saving for retirement.

So what if you can’t eat out every weekend or take a vacation every six months. Keep your mind and eye simple by reflecting on your financial goals. It also helps to be selective when choosing associates. For example, limit contact with people who brag about their lifestyles or make you feel inferior for having less. Instead of letting others take the lead in planning group activities, take the initiative and suggest cheap or free activities. Additionally, spend time with like-minded people. It’ll be easier to stay content when your peers share your money views.

The Takeaway

You are in control of your financial happiness. You might not have the best financial circumstances, and maybe you’ve made a few poor decisions in the past. But like most things in life, you can improve your money. This starts with letting go of bad habits and adjusting your financial views.

Need more help with improving your finances? Check out my course Taming Your Finances (& Saving $5,000 in the Process) to learn more!

How can you improve your thinking & improve your financial life today? Leave a comment and let me know, you might help another reader in the process!

How to Finally Take Control of Your Life in 2017

January 3, 2017 By The Jenny Pincher 1 Comment

Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? If you are reading this article, chances are you are saying “yes!” and nodding your head as you read this. You’re in the right place, we are going to talk about how to finally take control of your life in 2017!

Everyone wants a better life, but few are willing to take charge and make it happen. Why? I personally feel it’s the accumulation of fears and a lack of personal responsibility that are to blame. Anyone can take charge of their life, choose to be happy and transform it into something exciting and fulfilling!

It’s never too late. Let’s discuss how you can finally take control of your life and put yourself in the driver’s seat.

Take Responsibility

It all starts here. I talk about this in the workbook for my Tame Your Finances (& Save $5,000 in the Process) course. You are the only person responsible for your life. And you are the only one who can control your life. If you believe anything else, you are living in a fantasy and your situation will never change. That doesn’t mean that everything is your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with your life.

Are you waiting for a partner, a spouse, a friend or a co-worker to change into something different so you can approve of them or the situation? If you are, you will be waiting for a long time. If you want a situation to change, the change has to start with you. Taking responsibility is powerful because it moves you from the victim into a place of power to change yourself and/or the situation.

You start to see solutions that may have never occurred to you before. You realize what needs to change within you and then the people around you begin to change. It’s an amazing thing once this process starts!

Raise Your Standards

I could scream this one from the rooftops ladies! Why are you settling for less in your relationships, your career or your bank balance? Why are you putting up with being treated in a way that makes you feel poorly, accepting not being acknowledged for the good you do or anything else in your life that is less than what you actually want? It’s time to raise your standards and the only way to do this is by deciding what you want in all areas of your life & letting others know how you feel. You have a voice, use it!

You do not have to settle for less. You CAN have what you want and you ARE worthy of it. You really are. You are worthy of every dream and desire you have in your heart & your life does not have to be a struggle. No one will get to the end of their life and wish they had struggled more, beat themselves up more or continued to focus on all their human flaws more. Start to see the good in yourself & focus on what it is you DO want, not what you DON’T want.

When you think negatively about yourself & have low standards for the people, your finances and the experiences in your life, you lower your expectations. You even begin to look for reasons to support those thoughts. This is the ultimate in self-defeating behaviors! Your feelings of self-worth influence your ability to be happy and successful. Be proud of who you are as a person & own it. Raise your standards and don’t accept less than what you want. You are worthy of having what you want.

The willingness to accept your current circumstances is a decision to maintain your current life. Set your standards accordingly.

Avoid Being Afraid of Failure

It’s going to happen and guess what? IT’S FINE. Failure is fine, don’t let anyone tell you any different. It means you got out there, you tried to make it happen. Now you know what didn’t work so the next time you can make improvements and try again.

None of this is bad! It’s all part of the process, the breadcrumbs in your life that are leading you along your path and you never know what you may find along the way. This is the primary obstacle for most people and why they don’t get what they want in life. They’re afraid of failing.

I have an example of this in my own life. For nearly 2 years I was a Rodan + Fields Skincare consultant. I loved the products & the business and wanted to share it with other women. I worked really hard at my business but the whole time something just wasn’t clicking with me and the business. I talked to a lot of people about the company & the products and I was able to help people and that made me really happy. But it still wasn’t clicking.

After I signed up another consultant, I was so happy. I remember standing in my kitchen and thinking to myself “Now I get to coach other women in their businesses!”. I stopped and thought “wait a minute, that’s actually what I really want to do. I want to be a coach not an R&F consultant.” The reason it wasn’t clicking for me is because the business just wasn’t for me, but what was for me was coaching other woman! After that moment, I realized something huge. What I thought was a failure actually led me along the path to exactly where I needed to be. Had I not been an R&F consultant, who knows how long it would have taken me to realize what I really wanted to be doing was coaching!

Shortly after that, I enrolled in a coaching program and 4 months later I had my first paying client for my lifestyle design coaching program! How amazing is that? I can’t stress the importance of just getting out there and going after and doing what interests you. Failure is not always a bad thing and I can almost guarantee you if you try and fail, it will lead you right into the next steps of where you want to go.

The more you fail, the more successful you will be, as long as you learn from your failures and keep trying. How boring would it be to only do the things you know you can do?

Stop Caring What Others Think

One of my mentors use to say “what you think of me is none of my business.” The first time I heard this I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Of course it’s my business, how could it not be? But if you think about it, it’s the perfect statement because you can do everything right and someone still isn’t going to like you, agree with you or understand where you are coming from. We weren’t put on this planet to agree with each other, contrast isn’t a bad thing! But you’ve got to let go of what other people think of you.

I will admit, this one is not easy for me. I mean, why wouldn’t I care what others think?! It can be hurtful when someone thinks negatively of us, doesn’t agree with us or gossips behind our back. But you do not have control over what others think of you. It’s a waste of your time and energy to worry about it too.

No matter what you do, you’re being judged by others & there’s nothing you can do about it. So let go of it focus on the good, not the bad.

The willingness to accept your current circumstances is a decision to maintain your current life. Set your standards accordingly.Click To Tweet

Embrace Discomfort

I’ve been doing consulting work for 7 years now and one of my old managers use to say “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. He said this to us because as consultants, we were often put on new projects with very little knowledge or understanding of what was going on, but expected to hit the ground running and begin solving and fixing problems right away.

At first I resisted this. It scared me, it was uncomfortable and I was afraid of failure. But now I’ve come to love it. It excites me and motivates me! I love being put on a project I have no idea about because I also bring a fresh perspective to what has been going on & I’m able to help solve problems.

If you think about it, life is the same way. We are often in situations that we don’t know anything about or have never experienced before. If you want to change any aspect of your life, it will feel uncomfortable at first. But get comfortable with being uncomfortable, don’t resist it. You’ll be amazed at the experiences you have and how much personal growth & development you experience from making this one change in your life.

Be Proactive

Taking control of your life also involves avoiding unnecessary challenges by anticipating issues that might come up. There’s no better way to do this than being proactive in every area of your life.

What do I mean by being proactive? Look ahead for potential challenges and avoid them. For example, do you have an outstanding bill that you want to challenge but haven’t made the time to call and straighten it out? Being proactive means you make these types of smaller issues a priority to get resolved so they don’t turn into bigger things that could have been prevented. If you don’t make the time to call about the bill, you could end up having your account turned over to a collection agency and damage your credit rating.

Another example of being proactive is making sure you maintain things that are important in your life. Does the check engine light keep coming on in your car or do you know you have an issue with a leak at your home but you keep avoiding them? Take the time to address these small issues before they turn into more costly things for you to deal with.

Most negative experiences can be predicted and avoided. Avoid being reactive in your life because by then it’s too late!

Decide What You Want

To finally take control of your life, you need to decide what you want. The reason this is so important is for the decision-making aspect. You have to make decisions get what you want and take control of your life. This gets you out of waiting around for something to happen & staying in a place of “maybe” all the time.

Make a few decisions and decide what you want this year. Are finally ready to take charge of your life? Are you tired of pretending that you’re a victim? You can choose the direction of your life. Take responsibility and work through your fears, a little discomfort for a short amount of time is a small price to pay for a life that you enjoy!

What tips do you have to take control of your life in 2017? If you are looking for help taking control of your finances, check out my course Tame Your Finances & Save $5,000 in the Process to learn more.

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